Guilt
by I am no angel 0217
Summary: Everyone wants Willow to move on with her life, but she just can't let go...R/R, please!


Author's Note: Please tell me what you think!  
  
Guilt  
  
"Willow, I know that you don't want to admit it, but we all know that something is going on between you and Kennedy," Xander said as he and Willow sat out in Buffy's backyard.  
  
"There isn't anything going on between the two of us," Willow mumbled back, lying to her best friend, which was difficult for her to do.  
  
"C'mon, Will, you know that I know you better than practically anyone else in the world. You can tell me what you feel, or what's going on."  
  
Willow looked over at Xander and saw only innocence in his face. She couldn't explain to him the problems that a new love might cause for her.  
  
"Xander, you only want me to tell you about any smooches between me and Kennedy because it'll get you all hot and bothered."  
  
Xander smiled slightly. "I'll admit that is one reason I want you to tell me. The real reason is that I love you, Will, and I want you to be happy. Kennedy and you seem to have chemistry, so why are holding back?"  
  
"You wouldn't understand," Willow whispered into the wind. She knew that Xander could never understand the impact that this could have in her life and in her heart.  
  
+--------------#---------------+  
  
+--------------#---------------+  
  
Buffy stood upstairs in her bedroom looking out at Willow and Xander. She heard footsteps behind her. When she turned, she saw Kennedy.  
  
"Hey, Buffy, I was wondering if I could skip patrol tonight," Kennedy said nonchalantly.  
  
"You need to train," Buffy said, with a sort of all knowing gaze. "Besides, I don't think Willow would like to be your excuse for not kicking a little demon ass."  
  
"Well, I don't know if Willow would like to be my excuse for anything," Kennedy retorted, and Buffy noticed that Willow's pushing away was hard on Kennedy.  
  
"Don't take the Willow rejection stuff too seriously, hun," Buffy said lightly. "She's been through a lot, and this whole thing with The First isn't helping."  
  
"But why won't she even talk to me?" Kennedy asked softly, with obvious frustration in her young voice.  
  
"Maybe she's afraid," Buffy replied, remembering how bad she had felt when she had been resurrected.  
  
"Of me?" Kennedy asked coyly.  
  
"Kind of," Buffy replied as she sat on her bed. "More of the whole exploring her true feelings. Tara was important to her, and maybe she's afraid that if she starts to date you, you might end up replacing Tara."  
  
"But I don't want to do that," Kennedy replied avidly as she sat next to Buffy. "I would never."  
  
"I know," Buffy said as she, in a motherly gesture, tucked some of Kennedy's hair behind her ear.  
  
+--------------#---------------+  
  
+--------------#---------------+  
  
The wind began to pick up and began blowing things around. The temperature seemed to drop a bit, since this was not a nice warm breeze, but almost a cold chill. As cold of a chill as Sunnydale would typically get.  
  
Willow sat with her arms crossed, holding back the tears. "I don't like feeling this way," she whimpered.  
  
Xander, always trying to lighten the mood, replied, "Then go put on a jacket."  
  
Willow was not in the mood for joking as the tears began to pour from her eyes. "Not that, Xander."  
  
"What way?"  
  
"Like I'm being torn into two pieces."  
  
"Why do you feel like that?"  
  
Willow looked at Xander, as the tears continued to stream down her cheeks like rivers flowing to a stream, and could not believe he did not know why she felt so sad. "Because my lover is dead and I've got all these new feelings for Kennedy. It isn't right! I'm not supposed to do this."  
  
"Do what?" Xander asked, knowing the answer, but wanting Willow to get her feelings out by talking about them.  
  
"Start dating Kennedy."  
  
"Why?"  
  
"Because I love Tara still, and I always will. I can't replace her."  
  
"No, you can't replace her, Willow," Xander said softly as he wrapped his arms around his best friend. "No one will ever replace her. She will always have a part of you that no one else can ever have. That doesn't mean you have to stop living your life. You have to try to continue to live and to love. Tara would want you to." "But I can't. It doesn't feel right to abandon her like this."  
  
"You're not abandoning her, Will. You're just trying to explore new parts of your life. It's okay to do that, and you need to do that. Just try Kennedy."  
  
Willow couldn't hear anymore of this. She pulled away from Xander and started running away. She kept running and running until she eventually reached Tara's grave.  
  
"Why did this happen?" Willow screamed at the piece of stone. "Why did I lose you? Why aren't you here? Why do they want me to move on? I can't do that to you! You're the love of my life and you're not here. I can't just move on without you, damnit! Why can't you come back?"  
  
"Because she's dead," Kennedy said matter-of-factly, making Willow turn around.  
  
"Where did you come from?"  
  
"I followed you. I saw you running, and I had to see what was wrong."  
  
"But, why?" Willow asked confused.  
  
"Because I care about you," Kennedy said softly as she tried to touch Willow.  
  
"Don't say that!"  
  
"Don't say what?"  
  
"That you care."  
  
"Why?"  
  
"Because you shouldn't care about me. I'm not worth your time."  
  
"Yes, you are, Willow. You are very worthy of my time."  
  
"But I can't be with you."  
  
"Yes, you can, Will. You can when the time is right, and I'll wait for you."  
  
"But what if I'm never ready?"  
  
"Then, I'll wait forever."  
  
"I can't let you do that."  
  
"You can't keep me from it. I'm stronger than you."  
  
"No, you aren't."  
  
"Wanna bet?"  
  
"Honey, I nearly killed everything in the world. I think I have some strength on you."  
  
Kennedy and Willow both laughed, and Willow began to feel a peaceful spirit enter her body. It was Tara.  
  
"Are you okay?" Kennedy said, noticing a drastic change in Willow's attitude.  
  
"It's Tara," Willow whispered.  
  
"What is?"  
  
"Her spirit is in me."  
  
"Like the First?"  
  
"No, different.better.heavenly."  
  
"What is her spirit saying?"  
  
"That she loves me, but it's time."  
  
"For?"  
  
"Me to move on."  
  
"Oh," Kennedy said softly, as Willow put her hand in Kennedy's hand. "So do you feel better now?"  
  
"A little bit."  
  
"Wanna make out?"  
  
"Not that good," Willow giggled.  
  
"Oh."  
  
"But I'll take it step by step." 


End file.
